Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in babelthoughts' LiveJournal:

Saturday, June 10th, 2006
4:39 am	Why is it that whenever people are confronted with even minute chalenges in life, they just curl up and wish all the pain would go away? What the fuck is wrong with people? Why can't anyone see that life is not always happy sunshine and butterflies, and that sometimes the reapers come to take their toll, and that is just how shit is. There's absolutely NOTHING that you can do to make life 24 hours a day of pleasure, everyday. Buddhist believe that life is suffering, well motherfuckers... HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ALIVE? (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
2:08 am	Refusal I absolutely and utterly refuse to live an average life. In no more than 4 years I plan on leaving my home town to just go out and see the world. I plan on having life experiences. If you were to ask 30 people what the most interesting story about their life was, chances are you would get 30 bland and boring stories, stupid stories of debauchery that they're proud of for no reason, or interesting things that they are ashamed of. In ten years, if you were to ask me...The tale that was told, few would believe. That's how I want it. Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
11:27 pm	So...yeah. People suck. This is mah people rant. Without further Ado... I like to generalize. A lot. Allow me to demonstrate: Reality=Every person I've ever met, I've hated. My Generaization=I hate everyone. (Just an example, I'm not *that* angsty ^_O ) It's not totally founded in pure logic, per se, but I'm basing what I say on past experiences while weighing in the likelyhood of what will eventually come to fruition. When I do this, I come up with generalizations. That usually tend to be harsh and scathing. Like for instance (True story): Everyone on the internet sucks.NSFW. And since we all know that roughly 5 out of 5 people have access to the internet, and we just determined that all of them suck, couples with the fact that everyone that I've ever met, with the exception of possibly 7 people, sucks....I can (moderately) safely say that everyone sucks. ::nods:: So how is humanity a virulent disease? Because, not only are we collectively disgustingly immoral, unnatural in our habit(at)s, and too weak to accept life at it is, but we're completely destroying everything we encounter. Even ourselves. 40,000,000 cubic Meters of radioactive liquid waste pumped into the ground for wepons grade plutonium. More than 200,000 acres of rainforest are burned every day. People murdering and raping in the midst of a disaster in New Orleans, just because no one is there to stop them (and AK-ing down rescue choppers to keep it that way). Planning to test agricultural strength pesticides on children, often in "worst case" dosages, stopping to save face, then finalizing polocies that permit it anyways. The list goes on. It's not even like this is some kind of planned ruining of the world, either. It's freaking haphazard. Opps, is that a hole in the ozone layer? Sorry, we didn't realize the consequences of testing highly potent and potential offensive hallucinogens on uninformed soldiers. Oh my GOD! We're having an Obesity Epidemic! Whatever shall we do?! People ruin everything. The planet, each other, themsleves...everything. So I dub them an infectious disease. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
12:03 am	Humanity is a virulent disease. That is all...for now. Tomorrow (Later today? I don't even know what time it is) I'll do my best to convey why it is. Not to be confused with 'why I think it is'. Current Mood: Animostiy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
8:37 pm	I swear to whoever read this, that one day.... [Nothing will matter Everything will seem as nothing I won't need anything Or want anything...] I will be a God. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
12:18 am	I broke up with what I would have called the love of my life, not too long ago. I was/am not affected by it immediately (What can I say, I've always said I'm heartless), but it's kind of depressing in that 'Big-picture' sort of way. Life sucks. Then you get over it. Bitching is never needed. So I've not really had much to think about. Or babel about. Uhh...yeah... Maybe an explination on the break up? Sure, why not. I ruined it. In my MIND. I was just sitting around at work, joking around with my friend [Bob], and we were talking about our new manager, [Bethy]. She's hot. But silly. Childishly so, like...she apologiezed for saying "Pissed off" i front of me...If you've read many of these, you could easily say I'm vulgar (I think? I havn't read them recently. Regardless. I'm vulgar, for the record). But ANYways, he asked me if I thought she was hot, and I said "Yeah, I'd do her." ... And I just depressed myself. That's another story for later, though. ...When I said that, it was startlingly movie-like. I was nodding, and talking and what not, then I just stopped, a horrified look crept on my face, and the realization sunk in. If I could so incredibly nonshalantly cast aside everything that I've ever said to her on such a damned whim, how could it mean anything? And I couldn't bring myself to talk to her, or even think about talking to her for the next few days. I kinda figure that she senced it coming (What, with my cousin asking if I was avioding her(My girlfriend, that is)), and kinda implied a seperation of sorts with a bit about "nothing stopping [Her] from her goals, not even [me]." and the like, and the overall dreary mood between contacts that I goddamned forced myself to allow...despite her determined cheeriness during those few occasions (Btw, I appriciated that.) (Side note: Your sexuality has nothing to do with anything. For the record.) Things...Things come full circle with me. Always. Always always.... 'Yeah, I'd do her.' was the last thing that I heard before I met her, and it was say by a friend, about her. It just seems cosmically fitting that it would ruin it, too. (I *just* realized that connection, when I typed it out.) Fuck irony. My life is full of it. On a (sort of) lighter note, I took some personality disorder...thing, and the results were a bit alarming, even if a bit expected. ( LJ CUT! AWAY! ) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
10:40 pm	I had a most crazy dream the other day. It was most wierd. My girlfriend and I were sitting on a bench in a park, just kinda chilling, talking non-descriptly. And then some guy walks up, with his wife. They sit on the other side of the bench (aparently it's a rather large bench), and start talking to us. They're about 25~ish, rather good looking, the both of them, kindly, light-hearted, and Christian. The man said that he had always felt a powerful calling for God, and to do His will. He said that they had moved to the atlanta area just a while ago to do ministry work with the poverty stricken. He asked us if we were Chiristians and what church we went to. Of course, being who my girlfriend is, she said "Pfft. I'm not a Christian." borderlinely confrontationally. This slightly peeved the man, and the woman, too. I quitely (but *not* sheepishly, or weakly) told him that I used to be... This totally set him off. Aparently in my dream I was psychic, because I knew that he felt that I had betrayed God, and that I was in the fucking wrong. And it was his GOD given duty to rectify this atrocity. He preached to me, not lectured or ranted, he preached. He preached about how what I had done was one of the worst things a Christian could do, I had turned my back on God. What I had done was argueably blasphemy, the worst sin, the one and only unforgivable sin. He told me that in talking to me, he could feel great God Givin potential in me, and that I could easily save thousands, tens of thousands of people, if I just knew the Lord, and let Him work through me. That's why he had asked, he thought he already knew the answer. My response had appalled him. He asked what I had to say for myself. And I told him. I told him this… “I was born and raised in the Church. Ever since I was a small child, many people have told me that I have great potential, as a leader, as a preacher, and as I powerful warrior for and of God. And for a long time, I questioned that. I questioned it, because I never in my whole life felt anything. (anything from God, that is) I accepted it, assuming that I was just a child, and that God was not ready to use me just yet…Then, I stared thinking. For myself. I knew I had all the potential, the hundreds of people that told me so couldn’t all be wrong, or corroborating together to lie to me, and I had always sensed it; apart from God, my wealth of untapped potential. I also knew that either God had forgotten about me, or had just left me by the wayside for later. On that day, I decided that I did NOT have to be a powerful man for and of God, and that I would be a powerful man in whatever path I chose to walk. I decided on that day that because God had neglected me for so long, that he either did not want me, or had forgotten, and that because of his choice not to utilize me before this, he has subsequently decided to remove me from amongst his ranks. I did not want God, if He could not do anything for me HERE and NOW, to control the rest of my life for me LATER. If He’s not here now, He does not get me later. It was always taught to me that if you don’t use what you have, you’ll lose it. God is no exception. “ At this point, the man was dumbfounded, then he started hollering about blaspheming, and how just because a long time ago I couldn’t see the big picture that I had decided to throw away the only true thing in life. I cut him off right there, and I continued… Do not lecture me on what I have done. I have thought it over long and hard, and I stand by it. I was taught the ways of Christianity for the better part of my life, and know that what your doing RIGHT NOW is not part of it. Yours is not to judge. Yours is to enlighten the blind to the way of God. Christianity is a religion that I still respect because I know how it's *supposed* to work, you are supposed to Love, Accept, and Forgive all those amongst you, and those not, too. Right now you are failing to accept the decisions I have made. Not once have I impressed my opinions and thoughts upon you, and I expect the same from you. If you do not realize that what you are doing is wrong, by your own teachings no less, then you are a hypocritical “Christian” and I detest you. At this point, the man began to weep. There, only 3 feet away from me, I had made a grown man cry. And he said… You have made your decisions. You walk a hard path, away from the light of God, simply because you do not wish for Him to work His will through you. But you fail to see it. He is still working through you, despite your wishes. Maybe not all the time, but right then, you were a powerful man. And the power was of God. Thank you. **The End** Woo! Thoughts? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
1:11 am	Sex Woo! Sex. I can't. Yup. I can't. I mean, I'm physically capable of it. Sure. I'm 18. I'd cry if I couldn't. But I won't let myself. Can't let myself. Sex and stuff as been the topic of the week, per se, so I've done some dwelling on it. And I've decided a few things about it. I've decided that I can not deal with the emotional ramifications of possibly ushering into existance a palpable human life. I do not have the emotional fortitude to do such a thing. Sure, it might not happen, but I don't think....No. I know I could not deal with even the afterthought of "Whoa, I *almost* brought forth a being into existance, from none." So....Since I can not deal with the undenable consequences of such a obviously mature decision, I have decided not to make said decision. Now, humble reader, I pose a question to you. Does it make me more mature to take the less-mature route because I know that I can't handle the alternative? Or less mature, because I am admitting to the lack of necessisary maturity for said decision? ((Obviously I would appriciate comments from whoever stops by (Still no readers to my reckoning ;_;) though anonymity is preferable)) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 24th, 2005
1:08 am	Woo! Double the update This entry is about my Sister-figure and my Grandfather. Firstly my Grandfather. He got arrested today. For Child Molestation. I suppose now is the time that I say that I think that is downright fucking laughable that someone else would think that my grandfather, a kindly old sunday school teacher would mollest someones child. Laughable in that "Burn-Their-House-Down" sort of way. Woo. There are a set little girls that live across the street, and they (used to) like to come over and jump on our trampoline and spend time with him (He lives in an apartment like thing in our downstairs). ANYways, he used to give them cookies and shit, and generally be a kindly old christian man, giving them hugs when they arrived and left, reading them BIBLE STORIES, and just being pleasant. He is probably the biggest christian I know, and has commited his life to god, never missing a day of church in...like...his whole life. My grandfather is roughly 70 years old, and was married for like 45 years. My grandmother died a few years ago, but her death was not a short one. In fact, it was painfully dragged out. Over years. She stared having strokes when I was about 5, and she dies when I was 16. You do the math. During this whole time, my kindly old grandfather never left her side, he fed her, changed her, and made her life as comfortable as possible as she slowly became a vegtable and died, right in front of his eyes, and never left her side. If he is not a shining example of a good and decent human being, there are none, and I have lost all faith in the world. Well, aparently one of the girls (they're about 8, for the record) told their parents that they were uncomfortable with him hugging her. Uncomfortable enough that they should make it stop. So they called the police. And had him arrested. This is quite possibly the dumbest thing I have ever heard. The people across the street have known my grandfather for years, they were not good friends, but they were on a rather friendly basis, friendly enough that they would let their god damned children come over here to eat cookies and hear bible stories and jump on a trampoline for hours on end. Friendly enough that they should not have charged my grandfather with child molestation. Friendly enough that they should have been decent human beings. (To my girlfriend: This is what I was talking about, about people getting rights forfitted on whim and me totally not caring about the ramifications) I want to go up to their door, and ask them what is wrong with them. I want to ask them why they think that it is right to completely destroy my grandfathers life. I won't say that he has never done anyone any wrong, but he sure as hell has never done them wrong. I want to ask them, but I wont. I could too easily see myself snapping and assaulting these childrens parents, and that is the last thing I need. Because, dear reader, I am what some (read: many) night call the "Bad Apple" of the family. I'm a felon, on probation right now. Drug dealing. I've never done drugs, but thats another story. Another thing that I am is violent. Terribly so. If I ever actually got motovated to hurt someone (LIKE FREAKIN' NOW)....the end result would be bad. Man, woman, it makes no diffrence to me. I would beat the hell out of a woman just as quick as a man if she deserved it. I make no discrimination about sexes. So I want to go ask them just what in the living hell they think that they're trying to acomplish by accusing my grandfather of doing something that...for fucks sake, for something thta he clearly wouldn't do. But regardess of their answer, it wouldn't be "good enough" in my book. Nothing would. And...I am afraid of what would happen then. Haha. You might say that I'm restraining myself. I'm keeping myself out of a position to commit horendous bodily harm to them by not....even looking at them. I guess you might say that I'm being a decent human being. Fuck it. I'll ramble about my sister-figure later. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
2:51 am	My Girlfriend Bah. My girlfriend. I love her. Immensely. Lets get that out there to begin with. And I'm not being the typical 18 year old male "I love you, lets go have sex". I'm a virgin, and so is she, and that doesn't seem like it's going to change any time soon. I really do love her, and I could totally see us lasting...well, for ever. Really. I could imagine being without her, but I don't particularly injoy such images. I went out with her about a year ago, and some shit happened, but that was then and this is now. I've know her long enough to know her very well. I know that she loves me back. This I know. But she's...emotional. Very much so. She does have a thick skin when it comes to many things, but other things just pass right through her defences like a hot knife through butter. She feels strongly about a lot, but the rest means little to her....These might seem like odd, or hard to live with personality traits to you, my humble reader, but I can't ask anything else from her, as I am the same way. But it has been bothering me recently, that things have been bothering her. I know that everyone gets bothered by things all the time, but I, as her boyfriend and potential fiancée have a right to know things. Like what the hell is bothering her. Today I was chatting with her on AIM (she's like, a zillion miles away right now) and I asked her what was wrong, and all she told me was that she loved me and goodnight. Well, thanks honey, that totally answers ANY questions that I had. And I'm not a fucking idiot. If she didn't want to tell me, then chances are it's about me. And while she knows that she can tell me anything, she generally tries not to tell me things that she knows will upset me. She used to cut her arm. Self-distruction! Woo! But she knew...KNEW that that kind of shit didn't sit well with me. It still doesn't, but that's only because I'm a god damned (I really am) hypocrite, but whenever she did, she didn't want to tell me, as it would upset me. She's already told me that she would do anything to prevent my suffering and unhappiness of any kind. What pisses me off is that includes not telling me shit. Shit that is happening to her, that is "On her mind" (not to be confused with upsetting her) that would upset me. That doesn't sit well with me. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 20th, 2005
2:38 am	This...is where I put my thoughts. If you couldn't figure it out, this is where I (will) put my thoughts and babels. I wont rant here, I wont put the daily happenings of my life here...This is where I'll pour out my heart and fucking soul. That miight come across as babel, though. I wont make it fancy, I wont link to my other journal, and I definately wont make it friends only or private. What's the point in that? Why pour out everything so that no one can know it? even if that one is no one you know, or particularly care to know...at least you can rest assured to know that someone else, somewhere knows. I guess that I will soon start pouring into this. (Comment on this)